The Friendship Evolution: Defining What Genuine Friendship Is As You Grow

A few of my friends (Some are missing up there but eh couldn't fit everybody LOL). Y'all ROCK! xoxo

I value friendship. Not just any friendship. Genuine friendship. I am like a broken record when it comes to this core value. If you follow me on Facebook, it's my disclaimer whenever I am posting a photo with someone I call friend. As I am growing, I am starting to realize and recognize during my life journey, not everyone who I meet on my path are here for the long haul. The dynamic has definitely changed over the years especially during the transition from my 20s to 30s.

In my 20s my circle was slightly larger. I was open to meeting new faces and giving "new" friends a try. We had to have something in common. Whether it's work, school or similar social circles. I found myself sharing my time, my personal life and even a few of my tears with people who seemed to be potential lifelong friends. It was not until my surroundings changed that I started to see less and less of those now not so new faces.

Many of these friends I met through former relationships. When in a relationship, of course, everyone wants to get to know the new special someone. With introduction, opened a whirlwind of get-together's, dinners, road trips, heart-to-hearts, reassuring dialogue, comforting hugs, text messages, phone calls, check-ins, photo ops, social media tags, wall posts, favors, laughs, cliques, tea and all sorts of bonding with my new group of friends. It was great! For years mind you. And then when the relationship ends and I make my exit, I was left with concerning texts and calls from a few (most likely just wanting all the juicy details of what happened), a few hellos here and there, and then a complete halt.

Some became enemies (not by my choice), others turned into strangers and acquaintances. Only a limited few remained genuine and kept building a friendship with me. I found it fascinating actually. It made me reevaluate the term friend. My thought and description of a friend evolved. It also helped me take a look at myself and put myself in check to assure I do not become a "friend of circumstance" to those I've formed bonds with. So with this experience (which I am grateful for), I am able to share with you what you should look for in a friendship.

A friend is unconditionally there for you without biases or hidden agendas. 

Someone you can rely on. They do not have to speak to you everyday or frequent for that matter, but if you do need them for anything, if it is within their means, they will be there. And even if they cannot be there for you in that moment, they offer whatever resource they can to assist you even if it's just lending their ear.

A friend is with you through all the motions.

Filled with joy for your moments of triumph, will mourn with you in moments of defeat, and will stand with you and be that rock while you pick up the pieces.

A friend not only cares about you.

They care about your surroundings and who you allow into your life.

A friend has your best interest at heart.

They will be honest with you even if the truth is not what you want to hear in that moment.

A friend will pour into your spirit.

They will pray for you and encourage you during your walk with God.

And you will be all that to your friend as well.

As you grow and mature, it is less about who is going with you to get your nails done, go out for drinks with, who is down to be your backup in a confrontation or who is there to listen to all your tea. It is more so about who will remain when the seasons of your life change.

I am so grateful to have a handful of people that I can call genuine. For those who faded from my journey, I hold no anger or malice towards them. I am also grateful to have had that learning experience. They have surely helped me in my growth as well and my smile is still genuine in passing if I happen to see them.

What is your definitions of a friend? How is your friendship dynamic changed over the years? And what have you learned from it?

Pregnant At 50: The Biological Clock Extended

So it's official, Janet Jackson is pregnant with her first child. Two weeks ago the superstar songstress announced to her fans that she had to cut her world tour short because she was planning a family with her husband. I immediately assumed adoption or surrogacy but low and behold just a few weeks shy of her 50th birthday, Ms. Jackson is pregnant.

This news has automatically sparked  discussion regarding how risky is it for a woman reaching the golden season life to have a child. Due to the singer's age, doctors say there are major risks and complications that could pose themselves during the pregnancy especially during the first trimester. Interestingly enough, doctors say at her age she had a 1% chance of conceiving.

Though the odds are thought to be against them, in today's times, women are starting families much later in age as compared to even a decade ago. According to the CDC, the number of women who are getting pregnant over the age of 50 has increased 165% in the last 15 years. Doctors say as more fertility treatments become available and technology improves, women have more of a choice to delay bringing life into this world.

Usually after 30, women who haven't had a child start to become worrisome that their time will soon run out which leaves them in a hurry to find "Mr. Right" to get busy right away. These new findings bring slight pressure off the woman worried about her biological clock. She can put focus back on herself and reaching her life goals instead of putting babies in the forefront.

Being in that age bracket myself, I surely can relate and breathe a little easier for this time extension. I personally have so much that I want to do and accomplish that a "mini me" is the last thing on my list currently. 35-40 is more realistic and desired at this point.

So kudos to Ms. Jackson and all the other women over 40 pushing the clock out of their way. Not saying having these blessings earlier in life is unwelcome either. Whether you are in your 20s or ready to celebrate your 50th, it's more so about when you are ready instead of being pressured by that nagging clock.

How do you feel about women starting families later in life?

Thoughtful Celebrations

I have no tea to spill. Just wanted to share a few flicks from a thoughtful evening last night. Celebrating life, love, success, and a hopeful future. Amidst the sound of laughter, toasts and lovebirds showering each other with kind words, I stared into the distance admiring the city view. In that moment I felt grateful to have come this far and excited to discover what lies ahead in my journey on this earth.

Cheers

I Am 30, Hear My Roar! Tips For The Grown Woman

I make 30 look good! Yup I said It!

It finally happened. That moment I was half dreading and half looking forward to. I turned 30. Reaching this milestone of course brings automatic reflection of my life thus far. I thought about my childhood, my upbringing. I thought about the all time highs and the devastating lows up until this point. I thought about my dreams, plans and deadlines I set for myself and if I reached them. In thinking about all this I realize I have so much to do. Taking the time to look back when I was in my 20's, I wish I could have been given some direction by the 30 year old me. But now that I'm here, I'd like to give the present me advice that I believe the me in future would provide. I also extend this advice to you:

You have so many interests and talents but find your passion in the one that drives you and cultivate it:

If you're anything like me you have multiple dreams. Many things career wise that you want to accomplish. Sometimes when you focus on everything at once, they all suffer because you aren't able to master your craft. Pick the talent that gets your gears going and nurture that. Once you're successful in it, you will have the financial freedom to dabble into the others.

Make No Room For "Frenemies".

I know you know what I'm talking about. That one female that doesn't like you but stay trying to keep up with your life. We women tend to speak in code and we pick up on shade quickly. If you sense she's not genuine, cut her off! Trust your instincts. There is no room for negativity. You are filled to capacity with positive things so have that frenemy move out of your way and let you rise!

If you're unhappy about something, stop dwelling and change it!

As women, we are always picking at ourselves. Our looks, our weight, our hair, etc. And we will just sit and complain and get down on ourselves and cry. You know you've been there! Shoot I've definitely been there! You don't like something, get up and begin the change! Whether it's exercising to slim the waist down or lift the butt up! Or researching the best diet for clear skin. Maybe you are not happy about your career or financial status. Meet with a financial planner. Brainstorm on how to get to the next level in your career and execute steps to get there. Your problems are only a solution away! 

Stimulate Your Mind

Just because you've graduated doesn't mean learning ends. The world is full of so much knowledge. Don't wait for a news broadcast to get you hipp to your surroundings. Read books, watch tutorials, participate in discussions, get involved in your community, stay on top of current events. Keep your mind active. Remember once your mind starts slipping, the body will follow.

Travel

Budget in Traveling. Don't limit yourself to your backyard. There is a world to explore. Different cultures to experience. Adventures to be had! As cliche as this may sound, you only have one life to live so live it!

Surrender To Love But Don't Settle

I am a hopeless romantic. But in being that, in the past I was that "we gotta make it work no matter what" girl. The "I may not be happy but we've been together this long" chick. The "What will people think if this doesn't work" lady. The "I gotta keep up appearances to save face" woman. UMMMM This grown woman don't play that game anymore. In being hurt in a relationship we can come off bitter and put up a wall. But I challenge you to be open to love when it comes your way. BUT never settle for anything less than the man of your dreams! Don't ever feel like you're trapped or care what people think if it doesn't work out. Hold your head high and live babygirl! 

Love Yourself!

We hear this all of the time but do we really take heed to the advice? Learning to truly love yourself is a process. I always say it like this, "I love me. Everything about me and all the things that make me, me. And if I feel something about me isn't quite there yet, I'm going to enjoy making the awesome me, even better". The combination of your features, personality and characteristics make you unique. Own the fact that there is no one on this earth like you and you can only get better.

Take Care Of Your Body

In our teens and 20s we got away with the hot cheese chip snacks, the bag of gummie bears and going for seconds at the BBQ. At 30 your body will be begging you to stop the madness. So STOP! If you haven't yet started, create healthier eating habits. Try new foods that are not only good for you but taste amazing. Explore your culinary palette. Once you educate yourself on what those crazy snacks do to your body, you'll never crave them again (most times).

Don't Play The Comparison Game

You know the game. He has this, She has that, They have this, Do I have it too? Girl stop. One of my motto's is "I am the only one running my race and if I spend even one second looking over at someone else's marathon over there, I will trip and bust my ass during mine". Don't compare your life to others. It's a waste of time and a hindrance to your own journey. You'll end up taking longer to get to your finish line instead of enjoying your win sooner.


Those are a few key points I will make sure to execute for the remainder of my life (which prayerfully will be another 1000 years). I hope these tidbits help you throughout your journey as well.

Now go live!