My Baby Elevated My Hustle

Written August 27th & 28th

Published August 31st

The moment I saw those two pink lines my priorities shifted. My hopes transformed into determination. I have to win.I have to succeed in all I do. No more selling myself short or undervaluing my work. There is now a life on the line. A life that we are responsible for. Since that moment, I have been brainstorming, rearranging, planning, gathering and creating a timeline for all the steps of my multi entrepreneurial journey. 

 The 1st step I took is deciding to showcase my personally selected clothing, jewelry & accessories on my website via social media live sales once this precious bundle of joy is born. This is something I’m very excited about because it embodies the message of my online store, “My Style & Story Shared With You”. I’ll be able to connect with my clientele on a more personal level and share myself with them deeper than a webpage. PLUS I’m designating my other page to also exclusively showcase the fabulously known $5 PAPARAZZI JEWELRY as an independent Consultant for my clientele that love to sparkle and shine on a more fixed budget. I’ve been shopping with my chosen consultant for a year now and decided to join her team after being satisfied with every piece I received. So I’m ecstatic that I get to showcase my own selected paparazzi pieces! 

Daily I’d go through my vendor list and pre order inventory for both stores in every category that I plan on showcasing in the fall. All the while I have this little nugget in the forefront of my mind as he rolls and kicks waiting for his debut. I want him to have everything I didn’t. I want to give him the time and love that he deserves. I want to be the very best version of myself so he can have the space to grow into who he needs to be. 

Though I’ve been determined in business, I admit the knowledge of mybaby boy has elevated my hustle. As I write this I’m laying in my hospital bed in Labor & Delivery. Each sentence quickly being expressed between contractions. MY GOODNESS THESE CONTRACTIONS! With each burst of unimaginable pain all I think to myself is he has to come out and this is the process of making that happen. I look forward to when this epidural kicks in! 7cm in, I’m almost there! My mind keeps toggling between the here and now, and all I’m planning to secure his future.

I just want him out so I can walk out the door with him and execute our plans. I know it’s not necessarily going to go exactly that way as healing, recovery and getting into a solid routine has to happen first. Plus I have to get my body back. Actually more so embrace the new mommy body I am about to receive and sculpt it the way I desire it to be. I’m up for the challenge. As I evolve and transition into a new season, my clothing pieces will reflect that as well. I look forward to going through the journey with you all. 

My baby boy will be out soon I hope. It’s time to push. I have to focus. Time for me to sign off until then. Stay tuned and keep a look out for my live social media sales on Facebook and Instagram plus my other projects to follow in the next few weeks (or month lol I know I’m pushing the timeline. I’m just eager to get started). Until then, shop my websites!:

Boutique: www.shopgesphania.com

Paparazzi $5 Jewelry: www.jewelnationpink.com

Love & Light,

Gesphania (New Mommy) 

Update: After 30 minutes of pushing later... I’m officially a mommy. He’s so perfect! The most amazing feeling 💙

She Get It From Her Mama

The wedding world was not on my radar of passions growing up. In fact, as a child I was convinced that I was going to be a doctor. Whenever I was asked the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?", I would always choose what I thought would give the most impressed reaction. Doctors were always looked at with such prestige so naturally I gravitated towards what was perceived to be the best in my world. It wasn't until I started to form my own identity that I realized my interests were far from the medical field.

My mother influenced my love of fashion and beauty. The way she is able to transform a room with gorgeous floral arrangements and decor took my breath away. She brings joy to women as she styles them in both custom made and curated gowns. Each bride's elated expression brought renewed excitement. I wanted to become apart of that and create my own unique stamp within the family business.

I pushed forward and added the skill of Wedding Planning to my arsenal of talents. I have extended the experience by not only seeing my client in her gorgeous gown for the first time or watching her expression as she enters her gorgeously decorated venue, I am also able to walk with her in her wedding journey from the very beginning to the end. To be able to be that support for a woman as she embarks on this new season and transition in her life is an honor. I know I have big shoes to fill as I carry the torch that my mother has kept burning for over 25 years, but she has laid a strong foundation for me to build upon. Cheers to the many more weddings I get to create with my inspiration, my mother.

Love & Light Rising Roses

Facebook Dating Launches in The US

Remember the time when if you were romantically interested in someone you just walked right up to that person and introduced yourself? Face to face, in each other’s physical space, moments full of butterflies & bits of awkward silence. In today’s times we are provided with the convenience of swiping left or right depending on if that person’s face catches our attention. If they swipe in the same direction of agreement, the possibility of a conversation can spark, which could maybe lead to a face to face date, one night stand or blossom into a relationship that stands the test of time.

Online dating has been booming in the last 10 years with an array of platforms to choose from. One would think there’s no more room for another dating site, until social media giant, Facebook boldly jumped into the dating pool. It only makes sense right? Facebook already has billions of members. With their algorithms the site can easily compile data to match Facebookers looking for love. And the fact that members don’t have to download an additional app and just create a separate dating profile right on the Facebook app they already use makes it even more convenient.

The service will list potential matches based on location proximity, preferences and other factors. “Facedaters” will also be able to choose to match with potentials who are apart of the same Facebook groups or attend the same events. Facebook has rolled out it’s preliminary advertisement to members in the United States today. The feature has been active in other countries since last year.

What do you think about Facebook dating? Will we see a spike in Facedaters in 2020? Only time will tell.

Love & Light Rising Roses

Tracee's Got Something for the 3B - 4C Curls

As a fellow member of the natural hair movement I was elated when I received the news that actress Tracee Ellis Ross has thrown her natural hair care hat in the ring and is launching her very own line. Titled Patten, according to Ross this vision has been a 20 year dream and 10 years in the making. Writing her first brand pitch in 2008, Ross took her time and worked with a team of chemists for 2 years to formulate what she finds as the perfect combination of safe ingredients to cater to the 3B - 4C audience. After testing over 74 samples on herself along with her panel of different hair types, Ms Ross finally landed 7 products as an introduction to the Pattern collection.

What is also exciting about this brand is the sizes available for purchase. One of my main issues personally with natural hair products is the small sizes. Usually after two washes I need a whole new bottle of shampoo conditioner. Ross provides the option of large, refillable travel sizes and reasonable pricing to make Pattern affordable and accessible. Now the question is will all melanated hair types love it? We shall find out when Pattern makes it’s debut on September 9th. I for one will be following up with a review and photos of my results.

For more information and to get updates on the launch, visit https://patternbeauty.com

-Love & Light my Rising Roses!

She's Gotta Have It: Dating

A friend of mine and I were catching up with one another via phone since we haven't gotten a chance to hang out in a few months. With life getting so busy and our schedules conflicting, we settled for a brief chat during our lunch. My friend proceeded to fill me in on her dating life and shared that she is currently dating 3 different men. She described each man's character, sent me photos so I could get a clear visual, and also wanted my feedback on the gentlemen. We discussed potential pros and cons of each guy and it's understood that she is going to continue her dating journey and enjoy life while doing so.

I always found dating fascinating. Why do you ask? Well... I don't know how to date. I think back on my single days and I realize I've never really dated anyone. This was how my interaction with a man I was interested in went: I see you, I like you, we are in a relationship. I can't wrap my head around consistently spending time with more than one man and not knowing who I ultimately want to be with. 

Some may reason that dating multiple people speeds up the process of finding "the one", Mr. or Ms Right. But then again, isn't it a possibility that it could prolong the process? If the woman isn't exclusive and neither is the man, wouldn't that make deciding to be exclusive harder especially if you have multiple great people that you're dating? If you've created a bond with more than one person at a time, I would assume cutting them all off and choosing one would be difficult. Unless you're in a situation where only one proves worthy and the others are mediocre. I don't know how my gal pal is able to handle it but I'm sure over time she will figure out what is best for her.

How do you ladies and gents go about dating? Do you date one person at a time or go on dates with several different people? How has either method worked for you?


Love & Light 

Kenya Moore: Clear Skies After The Storm

Just 4 years ago Kenya Moore was reeling from a breakup that at one point she thought was going into a positive direction. Talks of marriage and babies filled the air as the Real Housewives star was planning her future with her then beau James Freeman. With the devastating discovery that the man she met through Millionaire Matchmaker was already married, Ms Moore pushed through and kept hope alive that she would one day find her soulmate. I was all over that story 4 years ago and applauded Kenya for her positive attitude and optimism (Click HERE to read previous post). Fast forward to present day, the former Miss USA is happily married and looking fabulous on the beach 11 weeks after giving birth to her first child and Celebrating her 48th birthday.

This personal triumph did not happen overnight. The now Mrs Daly went through a couple more frogs before finally meeting her prince. But the point is through heartbreak and failure in previous relationships, she never lost hope, she continued building herself and she allowed her heart to be open  to love when it came. We never know what life will have for us while on our journey, but what is important is that we do not settle or give up on any of our dreams or goals that are important to us. This is a real life example of how staying focused on what you desire for your life can bear fruit. And  from the looks of her blessing, her beared fruit is the sweetest.

Love & Light

Bye Bye PERIOD PAIN! The Remedy To Menstrual Cramps

Periods suck.

Okay let me clarify, the pain that comes with a period sucks. Pain varies between each woman when "Aunt flow" arrives. Some women have mild cramps and can still be superwoman throughout the day, while others scream in a ball under the covers for hours. I my Rising Roses, am on the latter end of the spectrum.

My periods are THE WORST period! (pun intended). I take pills like they are skittles. Upping the dosage every month it seems, to the point of nausea due to over medicating. And the pills as much as I took them barely worked. I was not physically able to do anything. I was reaching a breaking point and would lay in bed so defeated thinking death was the next step. It was not until a friend mentioned on Facebook that she found the cure to her monthly pain, that I finally saw a glimmer of hope.

Nakia I dedicate this blog post to you. Hey girl!

She introduced the FITTOP. It's an electronic wireless, vibrating and heating belt. It comes in a few cute colors (I chose pink), and has various vibrating settings with the option to simultaneously heat. The review she gave was so positive I immediately went on Amazon and rushed ordered one for myself. My period was due in a few days and I had to have it. It arrived the day before my period and I was elated. I did not want to put all my hopes in this device just in case it didn't work for me, but just the fact that I had a potential solution in my hands made the upcoming dark day a little brighter.

The FITTOP comes with a cute little USB charger and works with any USB plug or can charge in your computer USB port. I immediately put it on charge to make sure it had enough juice to last the hours of pain I usually endure.

The day came. Aunt flow was in full force. I quickly grabbed my new FITTOP and it immediately began working it's magic. I had the vibration on the second setting which is an intense deep vibrational pattern and turned the heat on. My cramps were subdued after a few minutes and I found RELIEF! For the first time in 15 years my pain was actually bearable. I have been using the FITTOP now for about 9 months and it gets an A+ in my book. The device can also be used solely as a heating pad if you don't need the vibration at times. The vibration cycle is in 15 minute intervals, and it lasts about 8 hours of constant use before it needs to be charged again. I plan to order a second one so when the one I have loses charge, I can just put on the other.

If it wasn't for a simple review from a friend I would have never found this solution to such a tremendous issue in my life. This is why I have decided to make my review public. Hopefully I will be able to help another sister who may be going through the similar period pains that I underwent.

I am in no way being paid or endorsed by the makers of FITTOP and this is my honest review.

If you'd like to check it out the link to purchase is below. There's currently a coupon code on the site. Enter 44TVLGRG upon checkout for 10% OFF!

https://www.amazon.com/FITTOP-Electric-Vibrating-Slimming-Abdominal/dp/B01MG2L1G3?th=1

Each one teach one.

What are your usual remedies for menstrual pain? Has is worked? Share your experience below! :-)


Until next time Rising Roses,
Love & Light

Do You Play Build-A-Man?

Dear Rising Roses, have you ever played "Build-A-Man"?

In the dating game as a woman, I have observed one common mistake among many of my fellow sisters. We meet a man that we may be interested in, make the decision to date after getting to know him for a short period, immediately recognize what we like about him, and make it our mission to change what we don't like about him. This "I'm a fix him" mentality has to come to an end.

In the "fix it" relationship we start to invest. Give all of ourselves and sacrifice with the hopes that this man will become the prince charming we have been looking for with a little... or a lot of our help. We groom, invest, pay off his debts, and show him how great of a wife we are though ring-less (side eye). And sometimes all that hard work we put in starts to pay off. You see he's changing, improving, excelling... everything is seemingly great... Until it's not. Until he tells you you're not the one. Then a few months to a year later he's married off to another woman, being the great man that YOU built him to be... but for someone else. I know some of you can tell me some stories of this exact situation you or one of your girlfriends went through.

This coming new year I challenge you all to stop playing "Build-A-Man". Instead of focusing on how you can improve a potential mate, set your sights on what you can do to improve yourself. Think about it... You spend all this time completing him to your standard and when he has reached that standard and looks to you, are you even meeting the same criteria? Then you become surprised when he looks to his left and sees a woman who is complete all on her own. Your focus should be working towards being the best version of you that you can be. Your potential mate doesn't need you to complete him or vice versa. We should be complete without the need of a man's companionship and our mate should be a compliment to our completion.

I'm NOT saying you should be selfish in your relationship. Just do not consistently do for someone that they can clearly do for themselves. It will cripple you both in the long run. Instead, be each other's motivation and encouragement. Be that push for each other to get things done. Set goals and check in with each other towards the completion of those goals. Challenge each other towards progression individually and as a couple. Doing it this way you will be more so grateful for the growth instead of bitter in the case things do not work out.

And if you're in a situation where you are already in the middle of the Build-A-Man game, it's never too late to hit the "game over" button and start the Build-Each-Other version.


Love & Light Rising Roses

The Importance of Sexy: What Every Woman Needs To Feel

Jacket: www.shopgesphania.com Photo Cred: QREV Production

What is it about being sexy? That moment when everything about you is just on point and has you feeling some type of way. When a woman has that "I'm sexy" moment, her walk is different. She marches to the beat of a different drum and can't anyone tell her otherwise. Why is it important for a woman to feel sexy? In a system where society is over sexual, it is a challenge for a woman to express and explore her sexy without being labeled as promiscuous. But what is sexy really? What if I told you it's more than what meets the eye initially?

Being able to feel sexy doesn't necessarily mean flaunting your intimate areas with a front row seat audience. Sexy is also a moment of self acknowledgement. Being aware and appreciative of your natural beauty. Being conscious of the power and influence we have as women because of our sex appeal, and using that power to positively influence others. For example, naturally society tends to give more attention to attractive people than those they find less attractive. As a woman, you automatically have the attention of the opposite sex. Because you are aware that your appeal commands this attention, there is a possibility of having an impact on those that find you aesthetically pleasing. Feeling sexy exudes confidence, self esteem and a unique energy that can permeate one's surroundings.

A great way to hone into your sexy is taking time to pamper yourself. And I'm not just talking about bubble baths and spa days (though those are great too), I'm also referring to pampering your insides by eating healthy and exercising. Pampering your mind by reading books (NOT of the 50 shades variety). Pampering your spirit through prayer and meditation. Being aware of current events and what's going on in this world. It is important that your inner self compliments your fabulous outer appearance.

To be a well rounded woman that works on her being in every aspect, you will find confidence encompassing that woman. She will no longer have the desire to put forth the effort of sexiness for she is sexy and she knows it. In turn she will know how to utilize her sexy to push her agenda in all avenues.

So now that you have a better understanding, I would like you to look at the areas of your life lacking that sexy spark. Is it your physical health? Your mind? Hygiene? Physical appearance? Whatever it is, work on it, nurture it and use it to it's highest positive potential.

Love & Light Rising Roses

Divorce Parties: What's That About?

So I watched a clip of The Real Housewives of Atlanta on my timeline in where Kenya decides to throw Phaedra and Cynthia a party. It wasn't for a birthday, new baby, career promotion or anything that you would think is typically celebration worthy. This party was a Divorce party. Both of these ladies were going through a divorce with their husbands.

Now I have heard of a divorce party before. There are actually those who have elaborate divorce celebrations decorated with broken chains, broken hearts and cake toppers with the head cut off. But this is one celebration I have never understood. Divorce is an unfortunate occurrence in our society. It's when two people who publicly made the decision to become a unit, decide to permanantly separate for reasons of pain, hurt and betrayal usually.

I believe those who have a divorce party use this event as a way to publicly announce liberation from an unpleasant life with their former. An exhale of sorts. Preparing for life as a single person. Even still, the party will not change the process. It is just a temporary cover for their pain. The process of healing and moving forward in a new routine will still take time. There will still be moments of hurt even after the streamers hit the floor and the last slice of cake is served.

This legal action should not be something to celebrate no matter who was at fault, who hurt who or even if it was a mutually cordial decision. Those who experience divorce should instead reflect on how they can grow from it. How they can become better and improve in all aspects. How they can learn from their mistakes and make their next marriage (if they choose to marry again) a solid one.

Would you ever have a divorce party? If so why? Or for those who have had divorce parties, did it truly benefit you? Let me hear your thoughts!

Why Wearing A Head Wrap Is Appropriate In ALL Settings

Photo cred: QREV Production

A couple weeks ago I met up with a few close friends for dinner. While enjoying our meal and catching up, one of my friends stated, "I could never go to work in a head wrap." Then my other friend nodded in agreement. I paused in reflection for a moment trying to understand why they feel they can't wear one to work and I can. I work in the corporate world just like they do so what is the difference between them and me? Then it clicked. They FEEL they can't. They THINK it will be viewed as unprofessional. I thought maybe if the significance of this fashion statement were explained, those who have reservations about wearing it in the professional sense would be more confident in doing so.

The head wrap has been apart of African culture for centuries. Over the years it has symbolized spirituality, modesty, prosperity, wealth and social status in African society. In the United States during the era of slavery, though slave masters imposed it on their female slaves as a badge of enslavement, slaves regarded head wraps as a symbol of their true homeland, Africa. A reminder that they do not belong in the land of their captors. It is also functioned as a uniform of rebellion signifying their fight to never forget where they have come from.

Being integrated in society, it is important that we never lose sight of our history. Over time through different psychological strategies, we are being conditioned to simply forget about the plight of our ancestors. They want us to blend in, accept the cards life has dealt us through their hand, and be a good non-threatening black person. Any inkling of black pride or culture association may make them uncomfortable. And because these truths are so deeply rooted, we sometimes say things like, "I could never go to work in a head wrap", though it is apart of our identity.

I take pride in wearing my head wrap and it is a look that is appropriate for any setting. Just because other cultures may not understand the look or the majority in the corporate world are not wearing them, does not mean we have to hide who we are to ease the comfort of our colleagues. Own who you are and where you came from. Acknowledge your history and it's beauty. If we do not make effort to keep some of our culture's traditions alive, our future generations will not have a clear understanding of their identity. So go ahead and wear that wrap!

Food for thought

Friends With His Ex?

I met her through him... And she's pretty awesome
Photo Cred: QREV Production

Is the ex meant to be an automatic enemy? It sure seems that way when a relationship ends with one person and then begins with another. I see it all the time. Boy meets girl, a relationship forms, girl starts to learn of boy's past girlfriends, girl then marks each one on her hit list.

I am not exempt from this either. I have given side-eyes several times to different women during the course of my life. Not because they have posed a threat, but solely on the reason that there once was a bond. A bond that I now share exclusively and just the thought that this bond existed before me would fuel my fire.

As I mature, I make it a point to challenge myself in the norm that I feel shouldn't be normal. What I go through in a relationship or what she went through shouldn't be the cause of complete strangers holding anger towards one another. With that, I try to have the innocent until proven guilty mentality. I word it this way because there are cases where the ex does want your man still and may prove that she has had a hidden agenda all along. But what about the woman that really & truly wants nothing to do with your man in the romantic sense? Or the woman that has a child with your man but solely is interested in a platonic co-parenting relationship? Is it a possibility to be cordial with one another? Dare I say, friends even?

From personal experience I do think it's quite possible. I've formed friendships with a couple women that once held a title with someone I was dating.  At first, it was slightly uncomfortable I must admit during the initial interaction, but I kept in mind that before anything, we are all human beings and we all have feelings. We shouldn't hold contempt for someone for an experience they endured. An experience that is part of their past, not present.

I've also been on the other end as the ex and became friends with the new girlfriend. Both experiences were pretty positive and I am friends with these ladies till this day long after our mutual beau faded into history.

Now I'm not telling you ladies to run off into the sunset with all his exes, but when you see her, be cordial, be respectful. And if she has ulterior motives and is able to take your man, he wasn't yours to begin with.

Being Healed From The Flames Of Church Folk

I never thought I'd seriously be part of another congregation again. And this is coming from someone who has been part of the church and Christian faith since birth. I loved going. Being apart of a spiritual family, a community. But after a few horrible experiences from not only church members but church leaders, I shut down and backed away slowly.

Now my plan was never to walk away from God, but I was unknowingly doing so by partially feeding my spirit. I say partially because yes I read The Word on my own, downloaded daily devotional apps (My favorite is Saved In The City), registered with an online faith based study course that had an assessment at the end of every lesson, attended bible study here and there at my family's church... Your girl thought she was all set! But I was still sinking. I felt as if I was drained.

My main issue was trusting people again. I thought, how can I sing, share, participate in ministries with people that may potentially hurt me in the end? I used to be so active in the church. Choir was my favorite. I could sing to the Lord all day long. Dancing was my 2nd spiritual outlet. I wouldn't let anything deter me from going to service. Come rain or shine, whether I had a car, had to take the bus, or walk sometimes, I was there. How did I fall so far? How did I allow the mistakes of man, the mistakes that I made myself, hold me back from being apart of the body of Christ? That is what a church is, and we are all pieces of that body. And each piece is essential to the body functioning properly.

In reflection, I've come to learn, the church is not full of perfect people. It is full of imperfect people seeking guidance from a perfect God. This means, even though most times we mean well, we can and will make mistakes. We may do horrible things to one another. And none of us is exempt from falling. But there is strength in numbers and as a member of a church you have people that can hold you accountable and that you are held accountable to. You have people that can stand with you, and remind you of God's promise when you are discouraged. You have people that can pray for you through the tough times. This is what I was missing in walking away from The Body.

I was hurt by someone in my former church (as some of you may know), and didn't go back for months. Then I moved away. Out of the state. I haven't been a devoted member of a church since I moved over two years ago, but I am taking that first step and beginning my journey to find a church home that can refill my spirit. 

If you are going through a similar situation, if you left your church because of hurt that someone else caused you, or you are embarrassed by a mistake that you have made, as long as the church doctrine is scripture based, I implore you to go back. As hard as it may be, as embarrassed as you may feel at the moment, as angry as you may be, go back. And if The Truth is not being taught where you were, as in, if the teachings are not bible based, start looking for and seeking God's direction to lead you where you need to be.

For those of you that have never been to a church, used to go to church as a kid but just stopped as you got older, or identify yourself as having no faith, what I am saying may be foreign to you. You may believe there is no God but yet from time to time you find yourself feeling lost or empty or feeling like something is missing. You've been depressed or sad before and are not quite sure why. You do right by others, are nice, and your definition of bonding is hanging with friends and getting "nice" together at the bar. Or maybe you feel like there is some higher power out there and are spiritual, but don't identify with a particular faith. If you fall into any of these categories, I challenge you to go to church just to see what it's like. It may just change your life.

I look forward to where God will lead me. I put it all in His hands and am excited to experience what will manifest from my faith during this continued journey of life. And I press forward.

The Friendship Evolution: Defining What Genuine Friendship Is As You Grow

A few of my friends (Some are missing up there but eh couldn't fit everybody LOL). Y'all ROCK! xoxo

I value friendship. Not just any friendship. Genuine friendship. I am like a broken record when it comes to this core value. If you follow me on Facebook, it's my disclaimer whenever I am posting a photo with someone I call friend. As I am growing, I am starting to realize and recognize during my life journey, not everyone who I meet on my path are here for the long haul. The dynamic has definitely changed over the years especially during the transition from my 20s to 30s.

In my 20s my circle was slightly larger. I was open to meeting new faces and giving "new" friends a try. We had to have something in common. Whether it's work, school or similar social circles. I found myself sharing my time, my personal life and even a few of my tears with people who seemed to be potential lifelong friends. It was not until my surroundings changed that I started to see less and less of those now not so new faces.

Many of these friends I met through former relationships. When in a relationship, of course, everyone wants to get to know the new special someone. With introduction, opened a whirlwind of get-together's, dinners, road trips, heart-to-hearts, reassuring dialogue, comforting hugs, text messages, phone calls, check-ins, photo ops, social media tags, wall posts, favors, laughs, cliques, tea and all sorts of bonding with my new group of friends. It was great! For years mind you. And then when the relationship ends and I make my exit, I was left with concerning texts and calls from a few (most likely just wanting all the juicy details of what happened), a few hellos here and there, and then a complete halt.

Some became enemies (not by my choice), others turned into strangers and acquaintances. Only a limited few remained genuine and kept building a friendship with me. I found it fascinating actually. It made me reevaluate the term friend. My thought and description of a friend evolved. It also helped me take a look at myself and put myself in check to assure I do not become a "friend of circumstance" to those I've formed bonds with. So with this experience (which I am grateful for), I am able to share with you what you should look for in a friendship.

A friend is unconditionally there for you without biases or hidden agendas. 

Someone you can rely on. They do not have to speak to you everyday or frequent for that matter, but if you do need them for anything, if it is within their means, they will be there. And even if they cannot be there for you in that moment, they offer whatever resource they can to assist you even if it's just lending their ear.

A friend is with you through all the motions.

Filled with joy for your moments of triumph, will mourn with you in moments of defeat, and will stand with you and be that rock while you pick up the pieces.

A friend not only cares about you.

They care about your surroundings and who you allow into your life.

A friend has your best interest at heart.

They will be honest with you even if the truth is not what you want to hear in that moment.

A friend will pour into your spirit.

They will pray for you and encourage you during your walk with God.

And you will be all that to your friend as well.

As you grow and mature, it is less about who is going with you to get your nails done, go out for drinks with, who is down to be your backup in a confrontation or who is there to listen to all your tea. It is more so about who will remain when the seasons of your life change.

I am so grateful to have a handful of people that I can call genuine. For those who faded from my journey, I hold no anger or malice towards them. I am also grateful to have had that learning experience. They have surely helped me in my growth as well and my smile is still genuine in passing if I happen to see them.

What is your definitions of a friend? How is your friendship dynamic changed over the years? And what have you learned from it?

Thoughtful Celebrations

I have no tea to spill. Just wanted to share a few flicks from a thoughtful evening last night. Celebrating life, love, success, and a hopeful future. Amidst the sound of laughter, toasts and lovebirds showering each other with kind words, I stared into the distance admiring the city view. In that moment I felt grateful to have come this far and excited to discover what lies ahead in my journey on this earth.

Cheers

Why YOU Have To Be Your BIGGEST Cheerleader

The other day in having a casual conversation with a friend I was asked why I usually click "Like" on my own photos and my posts. I answered, "Why not, I'm the first one to see the pic and think of the post. I should be the first to like it as well". She responded "Someone is full of herself". I laughed at her comment though I know truth can come out in a joking atmosphere.

This got me thinking, how many others actually practice self acknowledgement? In observation, I've noticed, most times people wait for validation before they begin to form excitement in something they have accomplished or are involved in. For example, I remember as a child whenever my birthday would roll around I would rely on others to make it special. If something was not planned for me or if I did not receive any gifts, my day would be an automatic ruin. This pattern continued into my adolescent years and even to early adulthood. It was not until self evaluation that I questioned this pattern and took steps to change it.

Now in today's digitally driven society, people measure value with the amount of likes received. It's gotten to the point that companies will choose spokes-models based on how many "Likes" their photos receive and do not research their qualifications as much anymore. We have become suckered into this system to the point that it affects our psych on subliminal levels. I've actually witnessed someone post a photo then take it down 1 hour later. When I asked her why, she said it wasn't "like worthy". Like worthy?

My take, you don't need anyone to validate your worth, beauty, importance or value. It's called SELF-Esteem last time I checked. You should be your number 1 cheerleader and motivator and who cares about how many people are with you with those "Likes". Now I'm NOT saying to be arrogant and scream to the skies "I DON'T NEED YOUR VALIDATION!" every time you receive a compliment. Be appreciative when someone does take the time to acknowledge you in a positive form. Just do not let that be what drives your mood or opinion of yourself.

So with that being said, no I'm not full of myself friend!, I just love the me that God created me to be.

Now go start liking your pics and posts! ONWARD!

P.S. I plan my own birthdays now :-p

I Am 30, Hear My Roar! Tips For The Grown Woman

I make 30 look good! Yup I said It!

It finally happened. That moment I was half dreading and half looking forward to. I turned 30. Reaching this milestone of course brings automatic reflection of my life thus far. I thought about my childhood, my upbringing. I thought about the all time highs and the devastating lows up until this point. I thought about my dreams, plans and deadlines I set for myself and if I reached them. In thinking about all this I realize I have so much to do. Taking the time to look back when I was in my 20's, I wish I could have been given some direction by the 30 year old me. But now that I'm here, I'd like to give the present me advice that I believe the me in future would provide. I also extend this advice to you:

You have so many interests and talents but find your passion in the one that drives you and cultivate it:

If you're anything like me you have multiple dreams. Many things career wise that you want to accomplish. Sometimes when you focus on everything at once, they all suffer because you aren't able to master your craft. Pick the talent that gets your gears going and nurture that. Once you're successful in it, you will have the financial freedom to dabble into the others.

Make No Room For "Frenemies".

I know you know what I'm talking about. That one female that doesn't like you but stay trying to keep up with your life. We women tend to speak in code and we pick up on shade quickly. If you sense she's not genuine, cut her off! Trust your instincts. There is no room for negativity. You are filled to capacity with positive things so have that frenemy move out of your way and let you rise!

If you're unhappy about something, stop dwelling and change it!

As women, we are always picking at ourselves. Our looks, our weight, our hair, etc. And we will just sit and complain and get down on ourselves and cry. You know you've been there! Shoot I've definitely been there! You don't like something, get up and begin the change! Whether it's exercising to slim the waist down or lift the butt up! Or researching the best diet for clear skin. Maybe you are not happy about your career or financial status. Meet with a financial planner. Brainstorm on how to get to the next level in your career and execute steps to get there. Your problems are only a solution away! 

Stimulate Your Mind

Just because you've graduated doesn't mean learning ends. The world is full of so much knowledge. Don't wait for a news broadcast to get you hipp to your surroundings. Read books, watch tutorials, participate in discussions, get involved in your community, stay on top of current events. Keep your mind active. Remember once your mind starts slipping, the body will follow.

Travel

Budget in Traveling. Don't limit yourself to your backyard. There is a world to explore. Different cultures to experience. Adventures to be had! As cliche as this may sound, you only have one life to live so live it!

Surrender To Love But Don't Settle

I am a hopeless romantic. But in being that, in the past I was that "we gotta make it work no matter what" girl. The "I may not be happy but we've been together this long" chick. The "What will people think if this doesn't work" lady. The "I gotta keep up appearances to save face" woman. UMMMM This grown woman don't play that game anymore. In being hurt in a relationship we can come off bitter and put up a wall. But I challenge you to be open to love when it comes your way. BUT never settle for anything less than the man of your dreams! Don't ever feel like you're trapped or care what people think if it doesn't work out. Hold your head high and live babygirl! 

Love Yourself!

We hear this all of the time but do we really take heed to the advice? Learning to truly love yourself is a process. I always say it like this, "I love me. Everything about me and all the things that make me, me. And if I feel something about me isn't quite there yet, I'm going to enjoy making the awesome me, even better". The combination of your features, personality and characteristics make you unique. Own the fact that there is no one on this earth like you and you can only get better.

Take Care Of Your Body

In our teens and 20s we got away with the hot cheese chip snacks, the bag of gummie bears and going for seconds at the BBQ. At 30 your body will be begging you to stop the madness. So STOP! If you haven't yet started, create healthier eating habits. Try new foods that are not only good for you but taste amazing. Explore your culinary palette. Once you educate yourself on what those crazy snacks do to your body, you'll never crave them again (most times).

Don't Play The Comparison Game

You know the game. He has this, She has that, They have this, Do I have it too? Girl stop. One of my motto's is "I am the only one running my race and if I spend even one second looking over at someone else's marathon over there, I will trip and bust my ass during mine". Don't compare your life to others. It's a waste of time and a hindrance to your own journey. You'll end up taking longer to get to your finish line instead of enjoying your win sooner.


Those are a few key points I will make sure to execute for the remainder of my life (which prayerfully will be another 1000 years). I hope these tidbits help you throughout your journey as well.

Now go live!

Kenya Moore: A positive lesson from a not so positive experience

Today as I was scrolling through my Facebook timeline I came across a post from the fabulous Kenya Moore. Now everyone who keeps up with the newly "Life Twirls On" star via TV, social media and the pageant circuit knows this woman is usually a burst of positivity, laughter and optimism. 

Before I began to read, I readied my mind to take in some positive vibes from the former Miss USA. A few seconds into reading her post, my brain picks out the words "Unfortunately", "Man", "Was married", "Devastated"... My initial thought was " What a piece of $^%&^*)(&_)*)(&*&%^%$%# man". I was clearly in my feelings as if this were done to my best friend or sister, but then again, I feel a connection to all women so regardless my anger level still would be past a 10.

As I continued reading, my brain focused on the words "However", "Still believe", "Love", "Heart remains open".... Wow, I thought to myself. It got me thinking and reflecting. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a different journey. Looking at Kenya Moore, though I do not know her, she seems to have it all. She's gorgeous, successful, intelligent, financially secure, has a magnetic personality, kind-heart-ed (most times lol), and driven to have the best life she can. Though she has all this, she conveys that she refuses to settle until she accomplishes every goal on her list.

I'm sure life was not always easy for her. I'm sure she had struggles and difficulties. But the point is she doesn't let those trials deter or discourage her from what she desires. She still desires a husband. She still looks forward to a family. She is now in her 40s, never married, no kids and she hasn't stopped hoping or requiring the very best.

I believe this is how it should be for us all in regards to what we want out of this life. We all have a story, a path, a journey to explore. Sometimes we look to our left and see others making leaps and bounds on their journey while we may be stumbling on ours at the time. This tends to be discouraging, bring depression and even envy. But we have to remind ourselves that we are only in a race with ourselves. To keep looking ahead and focus on our own goals and dreams. Just because something that you thought was "it" does not work out, doesn't mean you give up completely.

What's life without hope?

So I applaud you Ms. Moore and my hope is that your King is out there being prepared just for you.