When opportunity DOESNT Knock

The old adage, "When opportunity knocks, answer". A saying encouraging us to go for it when new, exciting and lucrative fortuity presents itself. But what happens when opportunity doesn't knock? When every road you take leads to a dead end. When no callback comes after submitting hundreds of applications. What do you do then? The me of the past would say that if the opportunity hasn't arrived yet, or if I missed an opportunity or I wasn't chosen, then that must mean something better is on the horizon and will come in it's time. I just would have to keep my eye on the prize and keep pushing. The me now laughs at that form of conflict resolution.

Why should I wait for opportunity to find me. Why should I wait for someone to recognize my talents? If opportunity doesn't knock, create your own opportunities. State what your goal is and take the steps to make it happen. You want to be discovered as an actor? Start your own online series. Singing is your passion? Start writing, recording and promoting your music. You want to get paid to travel? Start a travel blog and write about every place you visit even if it's different cities in your state. You want to be a gourmet chef for a high end restaurant or even own a restaurant? Start cooking those gourmet foods and share photos of them on social media, hold tasting events, cater your friend's small dinner parties or even start selling your gourmet creations at a low cost. And so what if you are starting small. At least you are starting and that small start will lead to big success if it's backed by genuine passion and perseverance.

Whatever you have in your mind to accomplish you don't have to wait for someone to give you a stamp of approval. Your success starts with you. Brainstorm ways to make your dream a reality. Visualize your goal and begin making a list of how you can bring it to fruition. Start to execute the steps on that list. Get creative! Now go make things happen! No more time to waste. No more dreaming without action. No more dead new year's resolutions. Make your existence on this earth one of excitement, joy and satisfaction.

Go forth and be great!

Love & Light

Do You Play Build-A-Man?

Dear Rising Roses, have you ever played "Build-A-Man"?

In the dating game as a woman, I have observed one common mistake among many of my fellow sisters. We meet a man that we may be interested in, make the decision to date after getting to know him for a short period, immediately recognize what we like about him, and make it our mission to change what we don't like about him. This "I'm a fix him" mentality has to come to an end.

In the "fix it" relationship we start to invest. Give all of ourselves and sacrifice with the hopes that this man will become the prince charming we have been looking for with a little... or a lot of our help. We groom, invest, pay off his debts, and show him how great of a wife we are though ring-less (side eye). And sometimes all that hard work we put in starts to pay off. You see he's changing, improving, excelling... everything is seemingly great... Until it's not. Until he tells you you're not the one. Then a few months to a year later he's married off to another woman, being the great man that YOU built him to be... but for someone else. I know some of you can tell me some stories of this exact situation you or one of your girlfriends went through.

This coming new year I challenge you all to stop playing "Build-A-Man". Instead of focusing on how you can improve a potential mate, set your sights on what you can do to improve yourself. Think about it... You spend all this time completing him to your standard and when he has reached that standard and looks to you, are you even meeting the same criteria? Then you become surprised when he looks to his left and sees a woman who is complete all on her own. Your focus should be working towards being the best version of you that you can be. Your potential mate doesn't need you to complete him or vice versa. We should be complete without the need of a man's companionship and our mate should be a compliment to our completion.

I'm NOT saying you should be selfish in your relationship. Just do not consistently do for someone that they can clearly do for themselves. It will cripple you both in the long run. Instead, be each other's motivation and encouragement. Be that push for each other to get things done. Set goals and check in with each other towards the completion of those goals. Challenge each other towards progression individually and as a couple. Doing it this way you will be more so grateful for the growth instead of bitter in the case things do not work out.

And if you're in a situation where you are already in the middle of the Build-A-Man game, it's never too late to hit the "game over" button and start the Build-Each-Other version.


Love & Light Rising Roses

The Importance of Sexy: What Every Woman Needs To Feel

Jacket: www.shopgesphania.com Photo Cred: QREV Production

What is it about being sexy? That moment when everything about you is just on point and has you feeling some type of way. When a woman has that "I'm sexy" moment, her walk is different. She marches to the beat of a different drum and can't anyone tell her otherwise. Why is it important for a woman to feel sexy? In a system where society is over sexual, it is a challenge for a woman to express and explore her sexy without being labeled as promiscuous. But what is sexy really? What if I told you it's more than what meets the eye initially?

Being able to feel sexy doesn't necessarily mean flaunting your intimate areas with a front row seat audience. Sexy is also a moment of self acknowledgement. Being aware and appreciative of your natural beauty. Being conscious of the power and influence we have as women because of our sex appeal, and using that power to positively influence others. For example, naturally society tends to give more attention to attractive people than those they find less attractive. As a woman, you automatically have the attention of the opposite sex. Because you are aware that your appeal commands this attention, there is a possibility of having an impact on those that find you aesthetically pleasing. Feeling sexy exudes confidence, self esteem and a unique energy that can permeate one's surroundings.

A great way to hone into your sexy is taking time to pamper yourself. And I'm not just talking about bubble baths and spa days (though those are great too), I'm also referring to pampering your insides by eating healthy and exercising. Pampering your mind by reading books (NOT of the 50 shades variety). Pampering your spirit through prayer and meditation. Being aware of current events and what's going on in this world. It is important that your inner self compliments your fabulous outer appearance.

To be a well rounded woman that works on her being in every aspect, you will find confidence encompassing that woman. She will no longer have the desire to put forth the effort of sexiness for she is sexy and she knows it. In turn she will know how to utilize her sexy to push her agenda in all avenues.

So now that you have a better understanding, I would like you to look at the areas of your life lacking that sexy spark. Is it your physical health? Your mind? Hygiene? Physical appearance? Whatever it is, work on it, nurture it and use it to it's highest positive potential.

Love & Light Rising Roses

Divorce Parties: What's That About?

So I watched a clip of The Real Housewives of Atlanta on my timeline in where Kenya decides to throw Phaedra and Cynthia a party. It wasn't for a birthday, new baby, career promotion or anything that you would think is typically celebration worthy. This party was a Divorce party. Both of these ladies were going through a divorce with their husbands.

Now I have heard of a divorce party before. There are actually those who have elaborate divorce celebrations decorated with broken chains, broken hearts and cake toppers with the head cut off. But this is one celebration I have never understood. Divorce is an unfortunate occurrence in our society. It's when two people who publicly made the decision to become a unit, decide to permanantly separate for reasons of pain, hurt and betrayal usually.

I believe those who have a divorce party use this event as a way to publicly announce liberation from an unpleasant life with their former. An exhale of sorts. Preparing for life as a single person. Even still, the party will not change the process. It is just a temporary cover for their pain. The process of healing and moving forward in a new routine will still take time. There will still be moments of hurt even after the streamers hit the floor and the last slice of cake is served.

This legal action should not be something to celebrate no matter who was at fault, who hurt who or even if it was a mutually cordial decision. Those who experience divorce should instead reflect on how they can grow from it. How they can become better and improve in all aspects. How they can learn from their mistakes and make their next marriage (if they choose to marry again) a solid one.

Would you ever have a divorce party? If so why? Or for those who have had divorce parties, did it truly benefit you? Let me hear your thoughts!

Not Your Average Model Size: Introducing My Fashion Site! (Insert enthusiastic scream here)

Photo Cred: QREV Production

I did it. I launched ShopGesphania.com. A website I have been envisioning for quite some time but initially did not imagine it to be a reality. I wanted to build myself as a brand. Merging all of my passions into one. Writing, media and fashion. Sharing my style with the world and incorporating my personal experience with each item. The sole model of said website, me. No searching for that 5'7", 100 lbs beauty that most boutiques choose to promote their brand. Just the 5'0" 140 lbs queen that is myself.

My first photo shoot session was quite nerve wrecking. I was filled with emotion as I tried on each outfit analyzing my every inch. I am not model size... not in weight or in height, I thought. Would my face be good enough for my target audience?, I pondered. Do I even look good in these clothes? All my insecurities spilled out and with each snap I became more nervous. My photographer did not share the same sentiment. He showered my posture, look and overall appearance with compliments. At first, I thought, building my confidence with compliments was part of his job to bring the best out of me, but after I took a peak at myself on his camera, I began to see what he did. I began to see my not so average model size is the perfect fit.

I find this whole process interesting because up until 2 years ago, I was that 100 lbs slim beauty (minus the height). I used to complain about being too small for my age and I wanted to join "Team Thick" so badly. For years I compared my body to others and tried to attain what I thought was beautiful. Now that I've reached my goal weight, I have moments when I'm wondering if I'm too big. Definitely an eye opening realization that beauty truly begins with accepting yourself for who you are no matter the size and striving to become the best version of you. Certainly grateful for this self awareness.

With that, I am proud of the woman I am, and the woman I am growing into. I am very excited to share more of myself with you through my passions. Make sure to visit ShopGesphania.com and leave a comment on the Love Wall. I appreciate all the encouragement, love and support!

Why YOU Have To Be Your BIGGEST Cheerleader

The other day in having a casual conversation with a friend I was asked why I usually click "Like" on my own photos and my posts. I answered, "Why not, I'm the first one to see the pic and think of the post. I should be the first to like it as well". She responded "Someone is full of herself". I laughed at her comment though I know truth can come out in a joking atmosphere.

This got me thinking, how many others actually practice self acknowledgement? In observation, I've noticed, most times people wait for validation before they begin to form excitement in something they have accomplished or are involved in. For example, I remember as a child whenever my birthday would roll around I would rely on others to make it special. If something was not planned for me or if I did not receive any gifts, my day would be an automatic ruin. This pattern continued into my adolescent years and even to early adulthood. It was not until self evaluation that I questioned this pattern and took steps to change it.

Now in today's digitally driven society, people measure value with the amount of likes received. It's gotten to the point that companies will choose spokes-models based on how many "Likes" their photos receive and do not research their qualifications as much anymore. We have become suckered into this system to the point that it affects our psych on subliminal levels. I've actually witnessed someone post a photo then take it down 1 hour later. When I asked her why, she said it wasn't "like worthy". Like worthy?

My take, you don't need anyone to validate your worth, beauty, importance or value. It's called SELF-Esteem last time I checked. You should be your number 1 cheerleader and motivator and who cares about how many people are with you with those "Likes". Now I'm NOT saying to be arrogant and scream to the skies "I DON'T NEED YOUR VALIDATION!" every time you receive a compliment. Be appreciative when someone does take the time to acknowledge you in a positive form. Just do not let that be what drives your mood or opinion of yourself.

So with that being said, no I'm not full of myself friend!, I just love the me that God created me to be.

Now go start liking your pics and posts! ONWARD!

P.S. I plan my own birthdays now :-p

I Am 30, Hear My Roar! Tips For The Grown Woman

I make 30 look good! Yup I said It!

It finally happened. That moment I was half dreading and half looking forward to. I turned 30. Reaching this milestone of course brings automatic reflection of my life thus far. I thought about my childhood, my upbringing. I thought about the all time highs and the devastating lows up until this point. I thought about my dreams, plans and deadlines I set for myself and if I reached them. In thinking about all this I realize I have so much to do. Taking the time to look back when I was in my 20's, I wish I could have been given some direction by the 30 year old me. But now that I'm here, I'd like to give the present me advice that I believe the me in future would provide. I also extend this advice to you:

You have so many interests and talents but find your passion in the one that drives you and cultivate it:

If you're anything like me you have multiple dreams. Many things career wise that you want to accomplish. Sometimes when you focus on everything at once, they all suffer because you aren't able to master your craft. Pick the talent that gets your gears going and nurture that. Once you're successful in it, you will have the financial freedom to dabble into the others.

Make No Room For "Frenemies".

I know you know what I'm talking about. That one female that doesn't like you but stay trying to keep up with your life. We women tend to speak in code and we pick up on shade quickly. If you sense she's not genuine, cut her off! Trust your instincts. There is no room for negativity. You are filled to capacity with positive things so have that frenemy move out of your way and let you rise!

If you're unhappy about something, stop dwelling and change it!

As women, we are always picking at ourselves. Our looks, our weight, our hair, etc. And we will just sit and complain and get down on ourselves and cry. You know you've been there! Shoot I've definitely been there! You don't like something, get up and begin the change! Whether it's exercising to slim the waist down or lift the butt up! Or researching the best diet for clear skin. Maybe you are not happy about your career or financial status. Meet with a financial planner. Brainstorm on how to get to the next level in your career and execute steps to get there. Your problems are only a solution away! 

Stimulate Your Mind

Just because you've graduated doesn't mean learning ends. The world is full of so much knowledge. Don't wait for a news broadcast to get you hipp to your surroundings. Read books, watch tutorials, participate in discussions, get involved in your community, stay on top of current events. Keep your mind active. Remember once your mind starts slipping, the body will follow.

Travel

Budget in Traveling. Don't limit yourself to your backyard. There is a world to explore. Different cultures to experience. Adventures to be had! As cliche as this may sound, you only have one life to live so live it!

Surrender To Love But Don't Settle

I am a hopeless romantic. But in being that, in the past I was that "we gotta make it work no matter what" girl. The "I may not be happy but we've been together this long" chick. The "What will people think if this doesn't work" lady. The "I gotta keep up appearances to save face" woman. UMMMM This grown woman don't play that game anymore. In being hurt in a relationship we can come off bitter and put up a wall. But I challenge you to be open to love when it comes your way. BUT never settle for anything less than the man of your dreams! Don't ever feel like you're trapped or care what people think if it doesn't work out. Hold your head high and live babygirl! 

Love Yourself!

We hear this all of the time but do we really take heed to the advice? Learning to truly love yourself is a process. I always say it like this, "I love me. Everything about me and all the things that make me, me. And if I feel something about me isn't quite there yet, I'm going to enjoy making the awesome me, even better". The combination of your features, personality and characteristics make you unique. Own the fact that there is no one on this earth like you and you can only get better.

Take Care Of Your Body

In our teens and 20s we got away with the hot cheese chip snacks, the bag of gummie bears and going for seconds at the BBQ. At 30 your body will be begging you to stop the madness. So STOP! If you haven't yet started, create healthier eating habits. Try new foods that are not only good for you but taste amazing. Explore your culinary palette. Once you educate yourself on what those crazy snacks do to your body, you'll never crave them again (most times).

Don't Play The Comparison Game

You know the game. He has this, She has that, They have this, Do I have it too? Girl stop. One of my motto's is "I am the only one running my race and if I spend even one second looking over at someone else's marathon over there, I will trip and bust my ass during mine". Don't compare your life to others. It's a waste of time and a hindrance to your own journey. You'll end up taking longer to get to your finish line instead of enjoying your win sooner.


Those are a few key points I will make sure to execute for the remainder of my life (which prayerfully will be another 1000 years). I hope these tidbits help you throughout your journey as well.

Now go live!

Weave- Esteem

It seems like I've been on a hiatus for a few months. I haven't been in hiding. I've just been focusing on myself. Seeking God for direction and working on my growth in every aspect. Though I am truly grateful for each day God has afforded to me, and the smile on my face is genuine, a part of me was going through a process of hurt. It took me to pay attention to even the most miniscule characteristic to identify and realize that I was still hurting.

In this life trials come. We can't avoid it, we can't hide from it, we can't even escape from our problems. Running from problems just prolongs the process of resolution. My previous preferred method was either running from or masking my issues with things.

One "mask" I used was weave. Long, shiny, beautiful tresses sewed onto my hair in different hues and colors that I clearly was not born with. I was born with a full head of hair. It was medium long, black and shiny. I remember loving the way it looked. Dolling it up with curls, feeling free with waves, getting sporty with ponytails, and sophisticated with up-dos. It wasn't until my third year of college that I was introduced to the weave world.

I found myself comparing my looks to those of other beautiful women. Wanting to look more like what I thought was appealing. Looking to receive acceptance, love and attention I figured if I changed my look, it would help me receive that love I was looking for. So I tried it. My first weave matched the color of my own hair. It was so long down to my hips, full with curls at the end. I seemed to love it and love seemed to look my way. My confidence rose, my happiness elevated, I thought I found the solution... until I was urged to explore more styles. Look different every few weeks.

So I explored. Different styles, cuts, colors, layers. All to feel that acceptance. In the meanwhile the tresses growing from my scalp were suffering. Each time I took out my weave waiting to add new weave, I was more disgusted with my real hair and thought I was quite hideous without it. How did that happen? I used to love my hair. How did I let low self esteem and self hate creep into my life? I did not even recognize it. I did not even know I was suffering from low self esteem.

On the outside I'm a pretty happy, upbeat, positive and social person. I have younger girls who look up to me and aspire to be like me which I find humbling. How was I able to convey so much positivity and carry such hurt unknowingly? It took me to be questioned about my weave and challenged not to wear it for me to realize how much importance I gave it. I made excuse after excuse as to why I needed the faux tresses on my head:

"It protects my real hair"
"It's an expression of my creativity"
"I like to keep things fresh and new"
"My hair could not possibly do all the hairstyles weave could do without falling out"
"My hair isn't the length I want so I'm wearing weave until it gets there"

And after all the excuses I was still challenged to go one day without it. So boldly I did. I convinced myself that it would make no difference with or without the extra locks... Until I looked in the mirror without them. Freshly washed, dried and styled I stared at my hair. My hair that suffered years of neglect. The once medium-long black hair was replaced by shorter stressed strands. I immediately hated what I saw and wanted a new sew in ASAP. With that reaction I realized I relied on artificial add ons for beauty. That feeling did not sit well with me.

I was taught as a child to love myself. That God created perfection when he created me. That's the mindset I always had... or at least I thought I had. This forced me to take a hard look at myself and learn to love myself all over again with the help of God. I got rid of the weave and poured love and care into my hair again. It surely was not easy. I faced my insecurity head on and let my creativity take over. I dabbled into new hairstyles as my hair grew back to life.

Now I'm at a point where I love myself completely. The high self esteem not only shows on the outside, but is also gleaming on the inside.

I've learned that it is impossible to gain something genuine like love from something cosmetic. Self esteem, love, joy, happiness comes from the confidence that God has placed inside of you and they maintain through continuous seeking of His word. No material possession can replace what you lack inward. Taking care of your mind, heart and spirit will in turn reflect on your outward appearance. 

Now I'm not bashing the women who do wear weave. There's nothing wrong with makeup, faux hair, jewelry and all the other glitters of beauty add ons. What's wrong is if one relies on these things to feel beautiful & accepted. It is a problem if you see yourself as unappealing without them as I once did. I am grateful to God I was able to break free. 

With that I'm happy to say (as cliche as it may sound) that I love me just the way God created me.

It's a great feeling