Genuine Vs. Jealousy Vs. Compassion: Being Happy For Your Friends

Photo Credit: QREV Production

Have you ever prayed for something in your life and in that same season your friend receives exactly what you have been longing for? It's happened to me. In one situation, I remember, I felt a sense of overwhelming joy, sadness anger, and excitement all at once. I was joyous for my friend, but was screaming "What about me!" on the inside. If this has happened to you, do not get down on yourself as it is human nature to sometimes get this way BUT as critical thinkers, when faced with negative emotion, we must question why we feel the way we do and counter how to evolve from it.

Recently I received great news from a friend and I screamed in joy when she called me to share. All smiles, grinning from ear to ear, I sung praises of encouragement and pressed on making plans to celebrate. As soon as the call ended, I sat in my car for a few moments as it sunk in that she received something I was praying for. In silence, I walked into the house, went straight to the bathroom, and shrieked with tears of anger. I calmed down, washed my face and sulked for the remainder of the day.

"Why not me" was the song I sang. "I've wanted this longer", I complained. And after these words were repeated in my mind for the millionth time, I stopped to question, why do I even feel this way? Should I feel a sense of guilt for raining on my friend's parade? Or should my friend have been a little more compassionate when sharing the news with me as she knew I wanted the same for myself?

I believe there is a balance between the two. As friends, we should celebrate and share our successes with each other. At the same time, we should be considerate in the manner in which we share our good news especially to our friends that may want the same for themselves. Now some of you may say, "Why should I tone down my happiness for the sake of my friend's feelings? I worked hard to get here. She should just be happy for me and keep grinding to get to where she needs to be". But take into consideration that your friend may have been working just as hard and may not have the same opportunities, connections or platform that you do. Not everyone with the same dream is afforded the same opportunities. Be tactful in how you share the advances in your life and also offer to be of assistance to your friend to help her get to where she needs to be since you have completed the path to get there.

Now for the friend who has received the other end of the stick, do not downplay the success of your friend because she has reached a height that you are still climbing towards. Be genuinely happy for her and offer encouragement. At the same instance, make time to sit down with your friend and be honest about how you feel. The worst thing you can do is smile in someone's face and complain behind their back. Because if word comes back to your friend that you've been upset because of her success, you will be perceived as not genuine and "fake".

How do you think friends should handle each other's success that they may want for themselves? Can you relate? What are techniques you have used in handling this type of situation. I want to hear from you.

Growing Pains: How To Move Forward From Loss

We are almost halfway into the year. "Time flies" is more than just a saying. It seems as if this life moves rather swiftly. We are born, and in the blink of an eye, we can be off onto the next journey beyond this current reality. As humans, our time on this earth has been short relative to how long this planet is estimated to have existed.

As we come and go, one thing we haven't quite gotten the hang of is loss. Particularly loss of life. It has been occurring since the beginning of time but yet it hits hard every instance we lose someone. Death is an end that is coming for everyone but yet is something that we are never prepared to accept.

I am not here to show you how to accept death because that is something I have far from mastered, but I can share how I move forward when I endure a loss.

No matter how many times it happens, sheer concentrated emotion envelopes our being each time someone who was once in our world leaves us (Now when I say "world" I don't mean in the literal sense. Everyone has their own world that they are living in. But I will elaborate more on that in a future post). We are in disbelief, shock, we say words like, "gone too soon", "I can't believe it", "this hurts so much". We cry for days, weeks, months even. That person not being there makes us feel as if they took a piece of us with them. To be blunt, it sucks. How do we keep going when that person does not have that opportunity? Over time, after the tears and pain, I have found a few techniques to move forward from loss.

Talk About It

I think the biggest mistake I make when I am upset or hurting is keeping those emotions bottled inside. Find someone to confide in. Talking about your pain and how you feel kick starts the process towards healing.

Prayer

When I find no one else understands, I know God who created everything will most definitely understand my hurt. Though I can't hear a voice speaking back to me, I feel a sense of peace after I pour my soul and place it at the feet of God. I metaphorically drop it all there and walk way with the faith that life will get better. Faith plays a big role towards positive outcome.

Write 

Writing is my number 1 outlet (hence this blog). I have been writing in a journal since the age of 9. There are so many benefits to journal writing. You are able to release everything onto those pages. Things that may be hard to say aloud. Journal writing can also bring clarity. After you write everything out, after a few days go back and reread what you wrote and compare how you felt then to how you feel now. You may be able to answer possible questions you posed or understand yourself better in doing so.

Celebrate Their Life

Celebrate the life of your loved one through your life. Talk about everything you loved about that person, reflect on what he or she instilled in you, start a project or foundation in that person's name. These are a few ideas that will keep their memory alive long after they're gone.

Continue LIVING

As hard as it can be, no matter how you are feeling at the time, life will still continue regardless and the world will keep spinning. Cherish your journey on this earth and make the very best out of it. Do what makes you happy as long as you are not hurting others, your body, or your spirit in the process. I say that because temporary "feel goods" like drugs, alcohol to the point of drunkenness, etc, are never a way to cope or help you move forward in a positive way. Reach for success, form healthy friendships, bond with your family, cultivate your dreams, help others, make your mark on the planet. Let your time here be a beautifully productive one.


I hope these techniques are helpful. Know that in your pain there will be healing to follow so instead of allowing yourself to drown in your sorrow, push yourself to take the steps to move forward.

If no one has said it to you today, I love you as a human being, you will be okay, your life will blossom beautifully, yes from time to time you will endure pain, but if you are willing to press on, you will overcome it as well.