Do You Play Build-A-Man?

Dear Rising Roses, have you ever played "Build-A-Man"?

In the dating game as a woman, I have observed one common mistake among many of my fellow sisters. We meet a man that we may be interested in, make the decision to date after getting to know him for a short period, immediately recognize what we like about him, and make it our mission to change what we don't like about him. This "I'm a fix him" mentality has to come to an end.

In the "fix it" relationship we start to invest. Give all of ourselves and sacrifice with the hopes that this man will become the prince charming we have been looking for with a little... or a lot of our help. We groom, invest, pay off his debts, and show him how great of a wife we are though ring-less (side eye). And sometimes all that hard work we put in starts to pay off. You see he's changing, improving, excelling... everything is seemingly great... Until it's not. Until he tells you you're not the one. Then a few months to a year later he's married off to another woman, being the great man that YOU built him to be... but for someone else. I know some of you can tell me some stories of this exact situation you or one of your girlfriends went through.

This coming new year I challenge you all to stop playing "Build-A-Man". Instead of focusing on how you can improve a potential mate, set your sights on what you can do to improve yourself. Think about it... You spend all this time completing him to your standard and when he has reached that standard and looks to you, are you even meeting the same criteria? Then you become surprised when he looks to his left and sees a woman who is complete all on her own. Your focus should be working towards being the best version of you that you can be. Your potential mate doesn't need you to complete him or vice versa. We should be complete without the need of a man's companionship and our mate should be a compliment to our completion.

I'm NOT saying you should be selfish in your relationship. Just do not consistently do for someone that they can clearly do for themselves. It will cripple you both in the long run. Instead, be each other's motivation and encouragement. Be that push for each other to get things done. Set goals and check in with each other towards the completion of those goals. Challenge each other towards progression individually and as a couple. Doing it this way you will be more so grateful for the growth instead of bitter in the case things do not work out.

And if you're in a situation where you are already in the middle of the Build-A-Man game, it's never too late to hit the "game over" button and start the Build-Each-Other version.


Love & Light Rising Roses

The Importance of Sexy: What Every Woman Needs To Feel

Jacket: www.shopgesphania.com Photo Cred: QREV Production

What is it about being sexy? That moment when everything about you is just on point and has you feeling some type of way. When a woman has that "I'm sexy" moment, her walk is different. She marches to the beat of a different drum and can't anyone tell her otherwise. Why is it important for a woman to feel sexy? In a system where society is over sexual, it is a challenge for a woman to express and explore her sexy without being labeled as promiscuous. But what is sexy really? What if I told you it's more than what meets the eye initially?

Being able to feel sexy doesn't necessarily mean flaunting your intimate areas with a front row seat audience. Sexy is also a moment of self acknowledgement. Being aware and appreciative of your natural beauty. Being conscious of the power and influence we have as women because of our sex appeal, and using that power to positively influence others. For example, naturally society tends to give more attention to attractive people than those they find less attractive. As a woman, you automatically have the attention of the opposite sex. Because you are aware that your appeal commands this attention, there is a possibility of having an impact on those that find you aesthetically pleasing. Feeling sexy exudes confidence, self esteem and a unique energy that can permeate one's surroundings.

A great way to hone into your sexy is taking time to pamper yourself. And I'm not just talking about bubble baths and spa days (though those are great too), I'm also referring to pampering your insides by eating healthy and exercising. Pampering your mind by reading books (NOT of the 50 shades variety). Pampering your spirit through prayer and meditation. Being aware of current events and what's going on in this world. It is important that your inner self compliments your fabulous outer appearance.

To be a well rounded woman that works on her being in every aspect, you will find confidence encompassing that woman. She will no longer have the desire to put forth the effort of sexiness for she is sexy and she knows it. In turn she will know how to utilize her sexy to push her agenda in all avenues.

So now that you have a better understanding, I would like you to look at the areas of your life lacking that sexy spark. Is it your physical health? Your mind? Hygiene? Physical appearance? Whatever it is, work on it, nurture it and use it to it's highest positive potential.

Love & Light Rising Roses

Divorce Parties: What's That About?

So I watched a clip of The Real Housewives of Atlanta on my timeline in where Kenya decides to throw Phaedra and Cynthia a party. It wasn't for a birthday, new baby, career promotion or anything that you would think is typically celebration worthy. This party was a Divorce party. Both of these ladies were going through a divorce with their husbands.

Now I have heard of a divorce party before. There are actually those who have elaborate divorce celebrations decorated with broken chains, broken hearts and cake toppers with the head cut off. But this is one celebration I have never understood. Divorce is an unfortunate occurrence in our society. It's when two people who publicly made the decision to become a unit, decide to permanantly separate for reasons of pain, hurt and betrayal usually.

I believe those who have a divorce party use this event as a way to publicly announce liberation from an unpleasant life with their former. An exhale of sorts. Preparing for life as a single person. Even still, the party will not change the process. It is just a temporary cover for their pain. The process of healing and moving forward in a new routine will still take time. There will still be moments of hurt even after the streamers hit the floor and the last slice of cake is served.

This legal action should not be something to celebrate no matter who was at fault, who hurt who or even if it was a mutually cordial decision. Those who experience divorce should instead reflect on how they can grow from it. How they can become better and improve in all aspects. How they can learn from their mistakes and make their next marriage (if they choose to marry again) a solid one.

Would you ever have a divorce party? If so why? Or for those who have had divorce parties, did it truly benefit you? Let me hear your thoughts!